Joe Biden Thinking Out Loud

By Sheisty

Fuck that black bastard Cory Booker. He owes me an apology, talking about I’m racist, when he’s the real racist in the room. Going on and on about reparations, giving the black man something for nothing, just for being black, when I’m probably just as black as he is. Fuck that, I’m blacker than that baboon, because my best friend was the real first black president, not that Bill Clinton wannabe, who wasn’t even as nice a guy as Strom Thurmond, a stand-up guy if there ever was one, the type of guy a white man could sit down and have a beer with. Hell, I’m even blacker than Barry. I’ll be the real first black president. So fuck that black bastard. I mean Cory, not my buddy Barry. Besides, I don’t even have to worry about him. I mean Cory, not my best bud Barry. He’s flailing in the polls, and he can’t see me. I’d whoop his wannabe black ass in a rap battle any day, I’m scrappy Joey B. from Scranton, fuck with me and I’ll cut you where you standin’. Not bad, right? Bet you didn’t know I got flow, though. Barack knows how bad I am. It’s more Kamala I’m worried about anyway. Heebie Jeebies just thinking about her, she looks just like that other one that’s been bitching at me lately for an apology. What’s her name? Ineeda something. Ineeda Apology, probably. Black people always looking for an apology and a handout. Well, don’t look at old Joe. I didn’t enslave these monkeys, and I don’t owe them nothing, neither, I ain’t got a racist bone in my body, my best friend is black, and if I don’t want my kid sitting next to their stinking asses on the bus, I’m willing to work with stand-up guys like old Jim Eastland to get that done. Damn. Ease back, old Joe. Doctor told me not to get my blood up, but these black bastards got no culture to be proud of, and I’ll be damned if I let them steal ours. Barry knows. Now that was a well-spoken brother. Smelled good too. My best friend. Too bad it takes a white guy to reach across the aisle and get the job done. I tried to tell him, but you know, black people are just stubborn like that, even the civilized ones like him. That’s just how it is, and I tell it like it is, and people respect that, and that’s why Trump won, and I’m like Trump, and that’s why I’m the white man to beat him.